He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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