I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
