Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
