You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
