i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
