You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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