So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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