Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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