she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
