i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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