life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
