just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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