Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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