i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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