Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
