she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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