Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
