when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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