I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize