so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
