i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
