Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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