saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is Oprah even human
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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