Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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