I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
