He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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