nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize