who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize