I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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