Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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