You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
