I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
