Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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