Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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