Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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