The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
