Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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