i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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