Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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