So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
