How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
