Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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