12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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