So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
