who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
