just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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