I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize