Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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