This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
tell me about the eggs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
