I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
