Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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