i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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