Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
