if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize