I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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