I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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