I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
