I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
