Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
