'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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