I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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