East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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