The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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