I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize