Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
