3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
