I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
