Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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