I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
