u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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