Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
