Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it penis luge time yet?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
