I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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