You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
