8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
